Gluten Free Engineer - Making Gluten Free Easy

How to Help Friends and Family Understand Your Gluten-Free Needs

• Carrie Saunders • Episode 7

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Going gluten-free is hard enough—but what happens when the people around you don’t understand why? Maybe they think you’re overreacting, that “a little gluten won’t hurt,” or they just don’t know how to accommodate your needs.

Whether you have celiac disease, gluten intolerance, or choose to live gluten-free for other health reasons, getting friends and family on board can be one of the biggest challenges. But the good news? There are ways to make it easier—for them and for you!

In today’s episode, we’re talking about how to communicate your gluten-free needs in a way that gets others to listen, understand, and even support you. Let’s make social situations less stressful and gluten-free living a little smoother!

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Carrie Saunders:

Quick reminder before we get started on this episode this podcast is based on my personal experiences and isn't medical advice. Going gluten-free can be hard enough, but what happens when the people around you don't understand why? Maybe they think you're overacting, that a little gluten won't hurt, or they just don't know how to accommodate your needs. So they're afraid and don't understand. Whether you have celiac disease, gluten intolerance or choose to live gluten-free for other health reasons. Getting friends and family on board can be one of the biggest challenges, but the good news there are ways to make it easier for them and for you. In today's episode, we're talking about how to communicate your gluten-free needs in a way that gets others to listen, understand and even support you. So let's make social situations less stressful and gluten-free living a little smoother. Welcome to the Gluten-Free Engineer Podcast. I'm your host, k Saunders.

Carrie Saunders:

In 2011, I was diagnosed with celiac disease, a moment that changed everything, but I was determined not to let it hold me back. With my two engineering degrees, I set out to reverse engineer the gluten-free lifestyle, breaking down recipes, safety tips, travel hacks and everything in between to rebuild a life I love. Whether you have celiac disease, gluten intolerance or simply choose to live gluten-free. This podcast is for you. Join me each week as we simplify the gluten-free lifestyle, make it fun and prove that you don't have to miss out on anything.

Carrie Saunders:

So most people don't fully understand what gluten is or why it's harmful to some people, so you might need to educate kindly those around you about gluten and what it is. You can explain it in simple terms that it's a protein found in wheat, barley and rye and that for you, eating it can cause serious health problems, even if I don't feel the effects immediately. Some people might get it with just telling them these simple facts, but other people might be a little bit more skeptical and not understand it because they've not heard of gluten before, or really celiac or gluten intolerance, and don't really fully understand it. So if you have celiac disease, you might need to emphasize that it's an autoimmune disease and not just a food preference, that you're required to eat this way by your doctors and healthcare professionals and healthcare professionals For gluten sensitivity, you might explain that gluten still triggers uncomfortable symptoms in you, like bloating, headaches and brain fog, and that you can even maybe add, if you want, that you had no idea you had this gluten sensitivity until you went off gluten and then realized it by trying gluten again, because many times we don't understand that we have a food sensitivity until we've been off of it for long enough, and you can maybe even explain that as well. You know, just say that you had no idea until you did this experiment and listened to your body. And then, for those that are curious and want to help you out and also want to maybe create food for you, you want to make sure that you're clear about cross-contamination risks, especially if you're celiac.

Carrie Saunders:

One of the biggest misunderstandings that I found was how even a tiny amount of gluten can cause harm. A lot of people didn't realize that and I honestly didn't realize that at first when I realized I had celiac either, until I did enough experimentation to realize really tiny amounts of gluten really make me feel pretty terrible. So you can use a relatable example to say something like it's like peanut allergies. Just because I'm not eating a peanut butter sandwich doesn't mean I'm safe if my food touches peanuts. A lot of people understand a peanut allergy and how the oils from peanuts can be, you know, cross contaminated and put onto other foods. It's similar to gluten. I mean. Obviously gluten is not an actual, true allergy allergy, but the glue and the glue, which is the word from gluten right, it sticks to so many things. So whenever gluten touches gluten-free food it likes to stay there and get in your system. So, similar to peanut oils, it will stay there and stay in that. You know food that's touched it. So you can explain some common risks, such as using the same toaster for gluten-free and regular bread can make you sick because the crumbs from the gluten bread will stay in that toaster and it's basically impossible to clean a toaster. If you know what I mean. I'm sure you've probably tried to clean it some, but you know you don't get everything out of there. Also, shared cooking surfaces or utensils also are a great way to transport gluten into a gluten-free dish as well. Similarly, somebody wouldn't do that for an allergy. If somebody had a peanut allergy or a dairy allergy or something like that, they wouldn't use the same food in a dairy item and then put it in a non-dairy item. That's meant for somebody with a dairy allergy. It's similar in gluten. It's just so easy to get that into our system. Gluten. It's just so easy to get that into our system. Also, things like double dipping in condiments like butter, mayo, jelly, peanut butter, for example. I know that, you know.

Carrie Saunders:

We were recently at a family's house for a celebratory birthday party and I have thankfully taught my kids that. Their first question they didn't want to get butter for their baked potato because the baked potato is gluten free, you know, obviously unless you put something weird on the outside of it. And they didn't. They were afraid to get the butter and I had to tell my one of my children. I'm like I saw the butter on the butter dish. It was completely brand new, we were safe on that one. So then they were comfortable to go get the butter on the butter dish. It was completely brand new, we were safe on that one. So then they were comfortable to go get the butter.

Carrie Saunders:

But when family and friends don't understand that too and I also knew we weren't using bread and there hadn't been any bread used around it too but when family and friends don't understand something as simple as a butter dish could carry those crumbs into a gluten-free, safe product or item that they're eating, you know they might not think about that because it's not something they're used to thinking about. So always be kind when you're doing, you know, these type of education things and help step them through it. You know you don't want to talk down towards to them, but you know, make it simple though, because their brains aren't thinking on the same level as yours because you're not. They're not the ones that are needing this type of food change and always communicate with kindness and not frustration, as I just implied. It's really easy to get frustrated when people don't get it, especially when you just know how bad it's going to make you feel. You know it might make you like super cranky besides the other, you know problems that it causes your body. So, instead of like saying things like well, why don't you understand? I've told you a hundred times, you know we've had to be so, so patient with our family and some of our friends because they just aren't around somebody who has a sensitivity like this or an allergy. So if people have been around other people that have had a traditional allergy, they're going to probably get it and understand it more. But if you're talking to somebody that's never had to deal with a food allergy in their immediate family or friends, they're probably going to need to take a little bit more time to absorb the information. So you can, you know, talk to them say I know it sounds complicated, but it's really important for my health and here's some simple ways to make it safe for me. So I have, over the years, helped other people understand how they can make food safe for me and they actually really enjoy that and really want to do that for me because they love me too as a friend or a family member. And so, as long as you're really kind and help explain it in simple terms and give them ways to make it safe for you, so you can show them how to do it not only just not what to do, because that can be on the negative side Also show them the positive side. How can they do it for you, how can they help you?

Carrie Saunders:

One of the simple solutions is, say we're having a Thanksgiving dinner or something where there's gravy or something you can let them know. You know, hey, instead of using flour to thicken this to make gravy, you can actually use corn starch, because it's naturally gluten free. And many times they might've been like oh yeah, I used to use corn starch, you know, when I'm making gravy, but for some reason I'm now using flour, and it might be a really simple switch to them to start just using cornstarch instead. I know my family this past Christmas, you know, made gravy that was safe for me and they use cornstarch instead of flour to make it thick and really nice and delicious and juicy. We made some ham gravy together as a family. It was wonderful to be able to make this with my family members who aren't celiac.

Carrie Saunders:

Another thing you can do is whenever you're having a meal together with family and friends, you can bring your own gluten-free dish to share, and we do this a lot and many times. I'll do my chicken casserole, which we'll have on our website here soon the recipe for it. But I'll bring out my chicken casserole, one because it's my kids' favorite meal at the holidays, for sure, and two, it's a complete meal for us. It's got protein in it, it's got vegetables in it and it also has some carbs in it. Now, it obviously doesn't have the fruit category in there, but for something like that it's got the main food groups. We're going to be full, we're going to be satisfied. So bring a nice gluten-free dish to share.

Carrie Saunders:

And if you're going to a restaurant this is something we have to do a lot we have to suggest going to a gluten-friendly place when we go out to eat with our friends and family and actually they're really good now because they've been trained long enough to ask me hey, can you eat at this place? Or what do you think Is this place going to be safe? So you'll get them trained in working with you and helping you out. So you know, just always suggest a gluten-friendly place. There's usually any more. I find it's a lot easier to eat out gluten-free now than it did like, say, 10 years ago.

Carrie Saunders:

And then, when you're attending a family gathering, like we actually did just this past weekend, we figured out what are they serving ahead of time and we offered to make modifications and actually this time we didn't need to. All the food was naturally gluten-free. So we helped cook so that we could make sure that it was basically steak and baked potatoes and some veggies. We helped to make sure that the steaks were cooked on a clean surface for our family and not one that could have had gluten on it before. You know that was on the grill. So we, you know, helped by modifying it and helping you know one clean where we were cooking really well, and we offered to help the cooking part, which they were very relieved and they didn't, you didn't need to worry about us being safe. Now, another thing that I got a lot when I first found out I needed to be gluten free is I would get a lot, but you used to eat gluten and you were fine. So people might question why you're going gluten free now if you used to eat gluten without issues.

Carrie Saunders:

And so some things you can do is you can explain that celiac disease can develop over time. When you have celiac, you have a gene in you that can be triggered and turned on is the way they like to describe it and then you express the celiac symptoms. But many times when you're younger, either it's not been turned on or your symptoms aren't strong enough to be recognized and to be seen, because gluten can be hidden so well and masked by other ailments and other problems that we have in our lives. So you can explain that celiac disease can develop over time. It can be triggered and it can be just simply turned on by some illness, some trauma, et cetera. Researchers are still trying to figure out quite all of how it works, but those are a lot of the clues they've gotten. Is it can be some trauma, some sickness that can cause the celiac gene to be turned on.

Carrie Saunders:

Also, gluten sensitivity isn't always obvious until those symptoms become noticeable, and it can also not be obvious until you've gone off gluten for long enough and then tried it again to realize. This is why I kind of feel meh all the time, or why I sometimes get migraines, or why sometimes my stomach hurts really bad or I have bathroom issues, or why I have eczema. So many times we don't know that the food we're eating is actually causing us trouble until we've removed them from our bodies. Another example of that for me specifically, is I did not realize that soy was also a trigger of digestive issues for me until we were experimenting with my husband and trying to figure out some of his health issues and we removed soy from his life and therefore my life as well. And then I tried some edamame beans pure, pure, pure soy, nothing else in them and I had issues. The next morning I had headaches, I had bathroom issues and there was absolutely had headaches, I had bathroom issues, and there was absolutely nothing else that I'd eaten in the previous couple of days that were risky, that were gluten risky, for example.

Carrie Saunders:

So many times the sensitivity to gluten or other foods are not obvious until you've removed that food from your system. And also, the more damage that gluten causes over all the years, the stronger the reactions can become. If I look back into my childhood and my youth, yes, I had celiac symptoms back then. They weren't nearly as bad as they were once I hit my 30s and they even started to get kind of bad in my early 20s too, in my early 20s too. So many times we don't know that we have celiac because our gut and our bilii and our small intestine if we're celiac has not been damaged enough to cause obvious symptoms too.

Carrie Saunders:

So some example wording you could use is I used to eat gluten, but my body wasn't handling it well. Now that I know what's causing my issues, I have to be careful to stay healthy. So it can be a simple sentence like that. If you don't want to go into all the details about what it does to your body and all the things right Now, you might run into this. Sometimes too, you might run into some people who just continue to dismiss your needs. So if that happens, just be firm but kind. You know. Say something like I appreciate you don't see gluten as being a big deal, but for me it is. I need to take care of my health. So you can just be simple and frank and kind and not rude back to them, and I want you to make sure you're prioritizing your well-being.

Carrie Saunders:

If someone refuses to accommodate your needs, bring your own food or avoid eating at their house. Eat before you go. This is something we did in the beginning, before we quite figured out how to handle eating outside of the house. We would eat our meal early before we went somewhere, especially if we knew there wasn't going to be any safe options there, and then sometimes we'd bring our own snacks too and just have them in a bag and eat if we got really hungry. So sometimes we just have to resort to that, unfortunately. Now I do say that as far as our experience has gone. Over time, the people who were dismissing our needs in the beginning came around and understood and got more educated and understood what was going on. They were just confused and it wasn't really anything against us. They just didn't understand it. So just be kind and understanding on your end. That'll help them understand you more.

Carrie Saunders:

And then, when you have those awesome, wonderful gems around you that goes out of their way to accommodate your gluten-free needs. Just show your deep appreciation for them. I have several people in my life that are just gems and I just want to hug them and just even talking about it right now, because they're always looking out for mine and my children's safety, to make sure that we're safe whenever we're around them and food is around us. I just thank them profusely. My best friend if she's listening, I'll give her a shout out, because even if I come over to her house, she cleans her kitchen, especially if she's known she's had gluten or flour out in the kitchen. She cleans it like nothing else to make sure that I'm safe when I come into her house and don't accidentally get gluten in me, even if I'm not even eating there. It's just so wonderful. It warms my heart.

Carrie Saunders:

So celebrate those that really are there rooting for you, supporting you, supporting your health, whether you're celiac, gluten intolerant or gluten-free for other health reasons. Just really embrace that and focus on those people that are there helping you and supporting you and just you. Kindly educate those that are kind of lagging behind and don't quite understand it as well. Just remember, they don't understand, they're confused and they just need some more guidance. So some key takeaways are that helping friends and family understand your gluten-free needs isn't always easy, but it is possible. And over 12 years of having celiac or knowing that I've had it, even though I've probably had it for almost all my life I've just had to use some patience, education and clear communication to help make social situations safer and more enjoyable. And remember you deserve to eat safely and feel good, no matter where you are. So don't compromise your health, even if it makes the situation awkward. I know I have been there before and I have risked compromising my health before and then I regretted it for days and days later. Because for me, if I get gluten for days and days later, because for me, if I get gluten, it usually lasts me for several days and I sometimes become debilitated and cannot function at all. So make sure you're keeping your health and your safety in mind.

Carrie Saunders:

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Gluten-Free Engineer. If you found value in this story, please share it with someone who might need encouragement on their own gluten-free journey. For more tips, recipes, resources and even links to my YouTube channel, head on over to theglutenfreeengineercom. It's your one-stop hub to make gluten-free living simple, fun and full of flavor. And don't forget to subscribe so you never miss out on an episode, and we will see you next week. The Gluten-Free Engineer podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I share my personal experiences and stories about living with celiac disease and navigating a gluten-free lifestyle. This podcast does not provide a medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for medical questions, concerns or advice specific to your health.

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