Gluten Free Engineer - Making Gluten Free Easy

How We Celebrate Birthdays Gluten-Free (Without Feeling Left Out)

• Carrie Saunders • Episode 19

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Text Carrie!

Birthday parties are supposed to be fun—balloons, cake, friends, the whole thing.

But when you or your child is gluten-free, they can quickly become a source of stress, worry, and even heartbreak. No one wants to be the kid with the “weird cupcake” or the mom explaining gluten cross-contact for the 100th time.

In this episode, I’m sharing how we handle birthdays gluten-free—from class parties to family celebrations—without feeling left out or missing out on the joy.


Mentioned Resources:

Gluten-free Chocolate Cake Recipe:

https://www.theglutenfreeengineer.com/gluten_free_recipes/b/the-best-gluten-free-chocolate-cake-ever

Gluten-free Vanilla Cake Recipe:

https://www.theglutenfreeengineer.com/gluten_free_recipes/b/the-best-gluten-free-vanilla-cake-recipe

Gluten-free Strawberry Cake Recipe: 

https://www.theglutenfreeengineer.com/gluten_free_recipes/b/the-best-gluten-free-strawberry-cake


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Come join us in our free Facebook Community, The Gluten Free Engineer. 

It’s a space where you can connect with others living gluten-free, ask questions, swap tips and recipes, and get support from people who truly get it. Whether you’re newly diagnosed or a seasoned gluten-free pro, you’ll feel right at home.

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Carrie Saunders:

Quick reminder before we get started on this episode this podcast is based on my personal experiences and isn't medical advice. Birthday parties are supposed to be fun balloons, cake, friends and the whole thing but when your child is gluten-free, they can quickly become a source of stress, worry and even heartbreak. No one wants to be the kid with the weird cupcake or the mom explaining gluten-crossed contact for the hundredth time. In this episode, I'm sharing how we handle birthdays gluten-free from class parties to family celebrations, without feeling left out or missing out on the joy, even for us adults as well. Welcome to the Gluten-Free Engineer Podcast. I'm your host, k Saunders.

Carrie Saunders:

In 2011, I was diagnosed with celiac disease, a moment that changed everything, but I was determined not to let it hold me back. With my two engineering degrees, I set out to reverse engineer the gluten-free lifestyle, breaking down recipes, safety tips, travel hacks and everything in between to rebuild a life I love. Whether you have celiac disease, gluten intolerance or simply choose to live gluten-free, this podcast is for you. Join me each week as we simplify the gluten-free lifestyle, make it fun and prove that you don't have to miss out on anything. Welcome back to the show.

Carrie Saunders:

So today we're talking about gluten-free birthdays and what goes along with that. You know the emotions, the stress and how do we overcome that and how do we have a fun, more normal birthday. I know for us, when birthdays came up, especially in the beginning of learning that my kids need to be gluten-free, you just sometimes got that sinking feeling, especially at school, of your kid being the only one not able to eat the cake or the cupcakes. And you want them to feel normal, while still protecting the health and making sure that they're safe, and you don't want to feel like that mom who brings their own food everywhere or treats their child super special for seemingly no reason when it's really not no reason. You might have guilt, you might have anger when others don't understand the seriousness of being gluten-free for you and or your child. As a mom, all I wanted was for my kids to feel included and safe, and that meant sometimes rethinking how we did birthdays. So when we handled birthdays at our house, especially early on, this was a bit more of a big deal. Now it's more of the normal because it's been over 10 years, but in the beginning it was definitely a big deal. How do you handle your own family birthdays?

Carrie Saunders:

So I always bake a cake myself and, beginning when I wasn't as good at baking gluten-free cakes, I would use a trusted gluten-free cake mix and that was the way I got around getting that birthday cake out or those cupcakes out for my child, and I wanted to make sure it looked like any other birthday cake and not a special diet behind it at all. So I worked really hard to experiment with, first off, trusted mixes to find a good birthday cake mix that was really good. And then later on, how do I find that excellent cake that's made from scratch, and sometimes I would let the kids help me decorate it with me to make it a bit more, you know, normal with them or we would, you know, work together on it. So it really helped to include them in the process, especially once I started making the cakes myself. And then if we go out to a birthday party, say it's for a friend or something.

Carrie Saunders:

When they were little, you know, I would make sure that they had a birthday treat of their own that they could have that again. We wanted to make it look as normal as possible so that they didn't feel excluded or, you know, feel out, you know out and unnormal. We would also make sure that you know outside food was allowed. I'd usually talk to the parents, say, hey, my kid can't have, you know, traditional cake or cupcakes, so I'm going to bring this special muffin or cupcake or something for themselves. And then if there were pizza at birthday parties, I would make sure to bring my child their own gluten-free pizza, unless the person that they were going to their party they were ordering from a place that we could get safe gluten-free pizzas and I would, you know, talk to the parent about you know, the safety precautions of what needed to happen and they were always really willing to listen and to absorb the information and really learn from it.

Carrie Saunders:

So I think, as long as you approach it from an open mind and help educate in a kind manner, that really helps the other person receive the information you might have in case they're not familiar with what cross contact is for celiacs or those that are super sensitive to gluten-free. So I would always make sure that I planned ahead for these. So you just have to make sure that you're really thinking ahead and getting um the plan in place so that you don't have to worry about your child and so it's not stressful for them, so it's stress-free for you too. One thing you really need to make sure is to try not to show any of the stress you might have to your child. I mean, obviously a healthy amount of stress is good, but I have seen sometimes parents will not be great at, you know, holding back some of their stress levels and then that child, in the long run, starts having lots of stress issues as they get older, into the preteen and teenage years. So just be mindful of how you look at the situation. The more positive you are, the more positive they will be. They, you know, obviously learn by example, and even when we're talking gluten-free and their health, we need to make sure we are showing them how to learn by example. And even when we're talking gluten-free and their health, we need to make sure we are showing them how to learn by example here too. Another tip you can do is you can have cupcakes and save them in the freezer, or cakes in the freezer. Actually, cakes and cupcakes will save pretty well in the freezer and you can always bring it out the night before to let it thaw at room temperature and then add your own icing to it for any last minute birthdays that happen to show up Now for class parties when my children were in elementary school.

Carrie Saunders:

You know birthday celebrations were a thing in elementary school and so every beginning of the year I would talk to the teacher ahead of time. I would either send them an email or talk to them in person and let them know about my child's food sensitivities and that they had celiac and it was actually really serious and we need to be really careful. So I would work with the teacher on what works best in their classroom. How can I help the teacher, help my child be safe, and the teachers always really wanted to help me out, and I would leave a stash of either gluten-free cupcakes or muffins in the teacher's fridge. Many times they had a mini fridge or they would have a big fridge that they could store that for my child and label it for my child, because it's not that uncommon for children to have food allergies. It was just a bit less of a normal thing when my children were young for the celiac part that wasn't as well known yet they treated it like a food allergy, which is the best way to treat it, even though it's not a true food allergy, and really helped make sure that my child was safe and kept these treats and would let me know when they were getting low on them.

Carrie Saunders:

And then for friends parties, like I mentioned, we always asked what was being served and how to help replicate things gluten-free, if I could, and how to make sure they had safe snacks. Most of their friends were like, so kind and would even send me pictures of products they were thinking of buying, like chips or crackers or things like that, saying, hey, is this safe for your child? So make sure you leave it open to them to do things like that and you know, if they seem a bit overwhelmed, offer, say, hey, I can bring something for my child that you can sit out in a safe place, and they are likely going to be very thankful for that. And another thing you can do for children who are old enough to understand is have your child check with you. Let them know, hey, it's safe to check with mom or dad or grandma or grandpa. You know the parent on duty to make sure that they have a safe option and double check what they can eat.

Carrie Saunders:

You want to give them empowerment to be able to speak up for themselves, especially as they get older, and the confidence will really grow in your child when they know that you've got their back and that you are empowering them to also take control of their health, even when they're in fourth or fifth grade. Like they can really get this concept a lot faster than you would think and they really like from what I found with our three children to be included in the plan, be included in their gluten-free plan, so that they can be empowered themselves as they got older. We also love to bring a treat that matches what's being served, and this can be a visual treat. You know, in a visual manner really is what I'm talking about here. So if I knew they had cake and pizza, I would make sure to bring cake and pizza so that they weren't really standing out visually from the rest of their peer group and their friends and we can keep your child's treat or plate separate and label it to avoid any confusion. That can really help when you're going to a party for little kids.

Carrie Saunders:

I always like to tell my children ahead of time what the plan is, what we're going to be doing, what they will be eating, so that they weren't blindsided, so they weren't, you know, surprised, so they knew what to expect and they felt more comfortable that way and many times I would even offer especially as I got better at baking gluten-free bringing a gluten-free dessert that everyone can enjoy to help normalize it. I know when my kids were in elementary school, the kids actually were asking for my gluten-free chocolate cupcakes. They loved them better than the gluten cupcakes. So I would actually get requests from little kids for some of my gluten-free stuff for their birthday parties or, you know, to have a lot so that my child can share with them. So you want to make sure that you make this as normal as you can and to really help facilitate your child's understanding of it. And then, just so you know too and you know I'm talking about these delicious gluten-free cakes that I bake I've actually got several gluten-free cakes recipes on our website, theglutenfreeengineercom, so be sure to check that out.

Carrie Saunders:

The chocolate cake is so, so divine and I actually have a YouTube supplemental video that is linked from the recipe that you can watch me actually making that cake. It's, oh my goodness, it's like the best chocolate cake. I really kind of just want to go make some more of it right now. And then I have a really good vanilla cake as well. That recipe that's on the website.

Carrie Saunders:

I'm not really a vanilla fan I am a diehard chocolate fan but this vanilla cake is so good that I will. I will enjoy eating it. I really love it, and I actually have a lemon cake as well up on the website, and I've even experimented recently. My youngest loves Neapolitan ice cream, so his recent birthday we celebrated by me creating a gluten-free Neapolitan cake. So I had a chocolate layer, a strawberry layer and a vanilla layer and it was quite the fun experiment. We taste tested it. I got feedback from all my kids on how can I make this better, and at the time I used chocolate buttercream frosting because chocolate is his favorite flavor and I do know that you know probably should have used vanilla buttercream because the chocolate kind of overpowered the vanilla layer of the cake. So next time we're going to use either vanilla buttercream or maybe even a strawberry, a vanilla that's been modified with some strawberry in it.

Carrie Saunders:

So be creative when you're baking. You know I did such a fun cake. It's beautiful three layer cake and I'll actually add that strawberry recipe to our website as well, the strawberry cake recipe that I had and that I found that I adopted for gluten free. It was really, really good. I actually can't wait to try that one on its own, because it was just so delicious and had real strawberries in it.

Carrie Saunders:

So be creative, have some fun with it, experiment with it, let your kids give you feedback. I do this all the time. I will make something, I'll experiment with them, make something new gluten-free, and I will get their feedback. I'm like how do you like this? What do you think we should change? What tastes good about it? What tastes bad about it? And they help me develop these modified recipes to really make their life more enjoyable, be more normal and just have a good time.

Carrie Saunders:

So don't be afraid to experiment, and sometimes I've failed before. There's this one time that I made gluten-free pumpkin bread and I didn't fail from a gluten-free perspective. I forgot to put the sugar in, so it didn't rise. So you know even me who has been, you know, a veteran at cooking gluten-free and baking for a long time now. I even failed a couple years ago on making pumpkin bread and completely forgot the sugar in it and it was just this hard brick of kind of pumpkin-y thing.

Carrie Saunders:

And so have fun. That's the whole goal here is just to have fun. So we want to make sure birthdays are fun. They can still be fun even when they're gluten-free. Prep ahead when needed. Have a freezer stash if that's helpful. Make sure you're coordinating with teachers. Replicate the treats that they're going to get at parties when possible, because kids do notice the visual difference. So replicate it when you can and involve your child. Help them feel confident and comfortable and not restricted, and you don't have to apologize for keeping your child safe. Just be kind and courteous and many will really understand.

Carrie Saunders:

Thank you for listening to this episode of the gluten-free engineer. If you found value in this story, please share it with someone who might need encouragement on their own gluten-free journey. For more tips, recipes, resources and even links to my YouTube channel, head on over to theglutenfreeengineercom. It's your one-stop hub to make gluten-free living simple, fun and full of flavor. And don't forget to subscribe so you never miss out on an episode, and we will see you next week. The Gluten-Free Engineer podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I share my personal experiences and stories about living with celiac disease and navigating a gluten-free lifestyle. This podcast does not provide medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for medical questions, concerns or advice specific to your health.

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