Gluten Free Engineer - Making Gluten Free Easy

What to Do When You’re the Only Gluten-Free Person at the Table

• Carrie Saunders • Episode 30

Share episode

Text Carrie!

You’ve been invited to dinner… and your stomach drops.

Not because you don’t want to go—but because you know you’ll be the only one there who’s gluten free.

Will there be anything safe to eat? Will the host understand cross-contamination? Will people think you’re being picky or rude?

In today’s episode, we’re tackling the stress of being the only gluten-free person at the table—and how to handle it with confidence, safety, and grace.


Come join us in our free Facebook Community, The Gluten Free Engineer. 

It’s a space where you can connect with others living gluten-free, ask questions, swap tips and recipes, and get support from people who truly get it. Whether you’re newly diagnosed or a seasoned gluten-free pro, you’ll feel right at home.

Support the show

Carrie Saunders:

Quick reminder before we get started on this episode this podcast is based on my personal experiences and isn't medical advice. You've been invited to dinner and your stomach drops, not because you don't want to go, but because you know you'll be the only one there who's gluten-free. Will there be anything to eat? Will the host understand cross-contamination? Will people think you're being picky or rude? In today's episode, we're tackling the stress of being the only gluten-free person at the table and how to handle it with confidence, safety and grace. So let's dive in. Welcome to the Gluten-Free Engineer Podcast. I'm your host, Saunders.

Carrie Saunders:

In 2011, I was diagnosed with celiac disease, a moment that changed everything, but I was determined not to let it hold me back. With my two engineering degrees, I set out to reverse engineer the gluten-free lifestyle, breaking down recipes, safety tips, travel hacks and everything in between to rebuild a life I love. Whether you have celiac disease, gluten intolerance or simply choose to live gluten-free, this podcast is for you. Join me each week as we simplify the gluten-free lifestyle, make it fun and prove that you don't have to miss out on anything. Welcome back to the show.

Carrie Saunders:

Today we're talking about what to do when you're the only gluten-free person at the table. And first let's start off with our first tip, and that is mindset. You need to have the mindset that you're not a burden. You're managing a medical need and you're not being picky. You're managing your health and how you feel, and it's okay to prioritize your health. Think of it no differently than somebody with a food allergy. It's still both health issues. Now, yes, it's a different reaction in our body. I do want to recognize that, but it's still a health problem for both of you, for both types of people. So make sure in your mindset you feel like you're not a burden and that will help them also perceive you not to be a burden so you can reframe the situation. You're making it easier for others by coming prepared. You are helping them not feel the burden themselves, feeling you know helpless and doesn't know what to do. You're actually helping them when you help them be prepared. So that leads us into point number two.

Carrie Saunders:

We want to communicate early and clearly with the host. I would recommend calling or texting them ahead of time or speaking with them in person. Ask what's being served and offer to bring something safe if you need to. You can also explain cross-contamination in a friendly, non-intimidating way, especially if they want to have some gluten-free dishes for you to have yourself from them or from others that bring items there. So you can explain that even a crumb from a regular bread can make me sick, so I just have to be super careful.

Carrie Saunders:

Sometimes people get really surprised by that and I tried to explain it in the fact that you know the more our bodies heal, the more we can feel the impact of a smaller piece of gluten. It's just our bodies aren't used to it anymore and it reacts a bit more severely. It is simple. You know you wouldn't feed somebody who has an allergy allergy a little piece of something either. Even though it's a different bodily reaction one's autoimmune and one is a true allergy we are still affected by a small amount amount and we need to be extra careful and many times when I explain this it comes over pretty well and I try to equate it to you know peanut allergy or a meat allergy or something like that and explain you know it's not the same as that quite, but it's still. I can get affected in the same manner as somebody with an allergy and usually that helps them get it, because many people are have been exposed to somebody who has an allergy a food allergy and so celiac or a gluten intolerance can be a little bit of a different mindset for them, because they don't quite understand that. It's kind of similar as far as the procedures go in helping keeping you safe.

Carrie Saunders:

And then another thing I love to do is bring a dish that you can eat and that others will love too. One of my most favorite dishes to bring is that chicken casserole recipe that we have on our website that people absolutely love and rave about it. So make sure you check that out after listening to this podcast at theglutenfreeengineercom, so you can share a delicious gluten-free side, main or dessert. I obviously recommend a main dish just because you can then have your whole meal with that one dish if you need to. So let's say, you don't feel like you're comfortable eating anything else there. If you use something like my chicken casserole, which has not only protein but it has carbs and it has veggies in it, you have a complete meal there. So it's great to bring something that's a complete meal like that. You can mention your dish in advance so the host can factor it in, and I also recommend that, especially if you're celiac.

Carrie Saunders:

You ask if you can go through the line first, not to be prioritized or anything like that, but it's prioritizing your health. That way you don't have a risk of cross-contamination on those dishes that are actually safe and you can get the items safely first. We've done this at church, we've done this in pot safely first. We've done this at church, we've done this in potlucks, we've done this at people's houses. It's just something that we have gotten used to doing, and the more you do this, the more other people be used to it, and when you go back to explain that cross-contamination a bit again, they will start to get it.

Carrie Saunders:

And when you bring something, a dish, that you you can eat, you get something that you actually want and that you feel comfortable with and that you're not stressed about. So that's one of the keys to bringing something that you can actually eat too. It can really calm your nerves, especially if you're celiac or highly sensitive to gluten, and then sometimes you might want to bring a backup option just in case. You can bring a small discreet container of safe food, just in case. I've done this before when I've gone someplace and I thought I could eat, but I ended up finding out after talking because I didn't get a chance to talk ahead that I couldn't eat there. And another thing I do, too is I even eat before I go, if I'm unsure. There's many times we've been to family events where me and my whole family have eaten before we left the house, knowing that it wasn't going to be safe to eat there. So there's nothing wrong with that, and you can maybe bring like a small stack, something like that, in your bag or your car for emergencies or if you get extra hungry. That's some things that we've done before, and it can feel a little bit more awkward just because you're not eating with everybody else. But, depending on the situation, if it's like in a house and everybody's spread out, not at just one dinner table, then it's really not quite so awkward.

Carrie Saunders:

And then when you are going out to eat with some people, whether it's at another home or in a restaurant, you want to watch the buffet or shared utensils, and that's one of the reasons why, in one of my earlier points, is that you know asking you to go first is very important. Be politely, serve yourself first If you're unsure. It's just something simple that you have to do, and don't be afraid to skip dishes that feel risky. I've had to do this before when eating at a restaurant buffet and even though I talked to the server and they told me you know what's safe and what's not, there was one time I was like, oh, I don't know if I should eat these potatoes. And then the next time we came to that same restaurant they told me that they were not safe. So I actually kind of had a gut feeling they weren't safe, even though. And then what do we do if we get common questions or comments when we're at a dinner party or out to eat with somebody? Many times I will get.

Carrie Saunders:

Is it really that bad if you eat gluten and you can just share a simple version of your story and I tell them you know, it's not just the digestive issues for me, it gives me migraines, it makes me feel like I have the flu and I just feel terrible for several days. So don't be afraid to explain the other symptoms that many people don't know about. Most people think about digestive issues and GI tract issues, but you might actually really get their attention if you talk about the other problems. You get the skin issues, the migraines, like we said. So you know, be prepared for you know kindly talking about the other things that actually can happen and that usually gets their attention.

Carrie Saunders:

I have found and sometimes I get the comment I can never do that. I can never go gluten free. And I tell people you'd be surprised what you can do when it makes you feel better. I said I don't even look at gluten and want it anymore. I said it makes me feel so terrible I just don't even consider it. It's just not even an option on the table. And when you're a force to do something, you can be really surprised at what you can do. You know you're forced to do it for your health, so it makes it a lot easier. So usually I explain it around that and then I like to keep it light when I can.

Carrie Saunders:

But if you need to stand firm when it matters, you have to try to find that balance that works with your personality too, and also be prepared emotionally. Whenever you go out you might feel left out or frustrated and give yourself some grace. Especially if you're new to gluten free, this might, you know, be a lot harder. This part, the emotional part of it and I know it honestly was for me for a very long time, probably longer than I would have liked looking back. So just be prepared emotionally that you might feel left out or frustrated and just remember why you are doing this. This is your health, your energy, your long-term wellness, your next couple of days.

Carrie Saunders:

If you're somebody like me, you know I don't want to ruin my next couple of days and risk something. It's just not worth that few bites of something that might make me sick. And if you can have a support person with you, if you can, or somebody you can text or check in with, if you are, have a support person with you if you can, or somebody you can text or check in with if you are feeling a bit anxious, it's always great to have somebody there by your side, whether it's another friend or family member or somebody you can reach out to via text whenever you are feeling a bit more emotional, when you're out to eat, like that. And then, finally, I want you to celebrate the wins.

Carrie Saunders:

Focus on the connection, not just the food. You are there for the connection. Food is just part of the means of it and we want to make sure that we are being present. We are, you know, getting to know the people even better and we're really connecting with them, and I want you to notice when things go well, even if it's just that your dish was a hit or you didn't get sick. I want you to notice those things. Always focus on the positive and you'll have a more positive experience. It will really help you feel better and help you do a lot better mentally and emotionally around having to be gluten-free.

Carrie Saunders:

You don't have to choose between being polite and being safe when you're gluten-free. With a little preparation and a lot of health kindness, you can navigate dinners, parties and family events confidently. It does take practice, though, so give yourself grace. Follow some of these tips that we've given you in today's podcast episode and even if you're the only gluten-free person at the table, you can still have fun and you can still enjoy yourself. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Gluten-Free Engineer.

Carrie Saunders:

If you found value in this story, please share it with someone who might need encouragement on their own gluten-free journey. For more tips, recipes, resources and even links to my YouTube channel, head on over to theglutenfreeengineercom. It's your one-stop hub to make gluten-free living simple, fun and full of flavor. And don't forget to subscribe so you never miss out on an episode and we will see you next week. The Gluten-Free Engineer podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I share my personal experiences and stories about living with celiac disease and navigating a gluten-free lifestyle. This podcast does not provide medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for medical questions, concerns or advice specific to your health.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Carrie Saunders

Host