How to Cope When You Feel Left Out Because of Food

Have you ever been at a party, a work lunch, or a family gathering and realized there’s nothing you can eat? 

Everyone else is digging in, and you’re trying to smile through it while feeling left out or awkward. I’ve been there more times than I can count, and it can really sting. In today’s episode, we’re talking about how to handle those moments when being gluten-free feels isolating — how to prepare ahead, what to say, and how to take care of your emotions when food becomes a dividing line. 

Stick around until the end, because I’ll share the simple mindset shift that helped me stop feeling excluded and start feeling empowered.

Come join us in our free Facebook Community, The Gluten Free Engineer. 

It’s a space where you can connect with others living gluten-free, ask questions, swap tips and recipes, and get support from people who truly get it. Whether you’re newly diagnosed or a seasoned gluten-free pro, you’ll feel right at home.

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Chapters

• 0:51 Context And Purpose
• 1:34 Host Story And Mission
• 2:12 The Real Pain Behind Food FOMO
• 3:20 Prep Tactics Before Events
• 4:30 Normalizing Bring-Your-Own Dish
• 5:10 Restaurant Strategy And Snacking
• 5:50 On-The-Spot Coping Skills
• 6:43 Boundaries Without Apology
• 7:23 Reframing Left Out To Self-Care
• 8:27 Community, Wins, And Confidence
• 9:27 The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything
• 9:58 Closing And Resources

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:26

Quick reminder before we get started on this episode. This podcast is based on my personal experiences and isn't medical advice. Have you ever been at a party, a work lunch, or family gathering and realized there's nothing you can eat? Everyone else is digging in and you're trying to smile through it while feeling left out or awkward. I've been there several times and it can really be heart-sinking. In today's episode, we're talking about how to handle those moments when being gluten-free feels isolating, how to prepare ahead, and what to say, and how to take care of your emotions when food becomes a dividing line. Stick around to the end because I'll share the simple mindset shift that helped me stop feeling excluded and start feeling empowered. Let's dive in. Welcome to the Gluten Free Engineer Podcast. I'm your host, Kiri Saunders. In 2011, I was diagnosed with celiac disease, a moment that changed everything. But I was determined not to let it hold me back. With my two engineering degrees, I set out to reverse engineer the gluten-free lifestyle, breaking down recipes, safety tips, travel hacks, and everything in between to rebuild a life I love. Whether you have celiac disease, gluten intolerance, or simply choose to live gluten-free, this podcast is for you. Join me each week as we simplify the gluten-free lifestyle, make it fun, and prove that you don't have to miss out on anything. Welcome back to the show. Today we're talking about how to cope when you feel left out because of food. It is such a common thing for those that are gluten-free, celiac, or have other food allergies or intolerances. It's really something other people don't think about until they're in that situation or know somebody well in that situation. I know a lot of my friends and family now realize what it might be like to be had to have a food issue or food sensitivity, celiac, or some other intolerance or allergy. It can really feel you feel left out. And it's not just about the food. It's about connection, it's about tradition and about belonging and really feeling like you're part of the event. Social events often revolve around eating, which can feel isolating when you can't participate, or when it's a bit awkward when you do participate. And really, you gotta remember you're not being dramatic. These emotions are valid. It's just something ingrained with us. You can really go back to centuries ago, not even modern times, and many activities and celebrations were around food. It is just simply ingrained in us. So what we want to do is we want to make sure that we're prepared before events happen. That can help you feel less isolated, more included, and feel better about the situation. So ask questions in advance if you're the one not controlling the food. What menus are going to be available? What ingredients? Is there any cross contact if you need to worry about that? And then if it's say like it's a family gathering or somewhere where people are bringing food, offer to bring a dish that you love. It helps you feel included and ensures you have something safe to eat. We do this all the time, and we've been doing this for at least over 10 years now, to making sure that we bring our own safe dish. And it's become normal to us, it's become normal to the people around us. So this could be a little bit awkward at first if you haven't done this before, but it will become more the norm. And I'm finding more and more as the years go by that having gatherings and food gatherings try to accommodate people with food allergies, food sensitivities, and celiac disease is becoming more commonplace. And so we're feeling a bit less out, left out, thankfully. Um, but if you're in a situation where you feel like you know they're not going to have the food that you need, make sure that you ask. And then if you're not able to bring um, say a food dish with you, so you're going to a restaurant and meeting co-workers or family, eat a small snack before you go so you're not hungry, just in case if the options are limited and you don't feel safe eating there. That's what I've done many times. If I wasn't able to get a clear direction from that restaurant, whether they are going to have a safe food for me. So I just eat a small safe snack, or I have instruct myself and my children to do that before we go somewhere that we are unsure of. And then some strategies when you're there, when you're in the moment, I want you to focus on a connection over food, conversation, memories, any photos you want to take. Focus on the things you can control if you're in a situation where you can't control the food. Don't apologize for your needs, and you're protecting your health. You're not being picky. And I know this is something that was really hard and that I struggled with in the beginning of being gluten-free and celiac, as I felt like I was being very needy. I felt like others perceived me as having all the spotlight on me when I really just wanted to protect my health. I just wanted to feel good. I didn't want to feel terrible because I ate the wrong thing. So don't apologize. This is for you. And if emotions hit hard, take a quick break. Go outside, get a deep breath, just reset yourself if you really need to. Especially when you're new, this can be really, really hard. So don't feel like there's something wrong with you if this feels really difficult to you. And sometimes it's hard to communicate this and convey this to our family and friends who might even understand if we talked about it. So don't try to focus too much on that negative part and try to focus on what you can control, that conversation, the memories you're making, and the photos you're taking. And try to not really push down those hard emotions, but work through them is what I'm trying to say here. And then I want you to reframe the left out feeling. Sometimes when we look at a situation that is hard or difficult or um awkward, if we look at it with a different lens, it's going to become less hard, difficult, less stressful. So shift your focus. You're not missing out, you're taking care of yourself. So just think of it as you're taking care of yourself. And we should be making sure that we're, you know, ourselves are our number one priority on taking care of. Because if we aren't taking care of ourselves, we can't take care of our family and our children and our friends. So remind yourself, everyone has limits or boundaries, and yours just happens to be food. There might be somebody in that room whose limit is being around people. They might be very extremely introverted, and being around people really drains them and makes them, you know, just feel so awkward and weird, and they have a hard time with the conversations, etc. So remind yourself that you are just your limitation is food, and other people have their own limitation in a different way. And over time, being prepared helps you build confidence in the sting lessons, that awkwardness lessons, that feeling left out will lessen. So work through it, and each time you do it, it's going to get easier. And then finally, I'd love you to find some support and connection. Find your gluten-free community, whether it's online or podcasts like this one, our local groups. We also have a great um Facebook group called the Gluten Free Engineer. You're welcome to search down on Facebook and join us. We're from all over the world and country in there. And I want you to celebrate your small wins. Bring your own food, trying new safe restaurants, feeling good after events, celebrate those small wins. And the more you own your gluten-free life, the less you'll feel left out. I know this is true because when I started embracing it and just started saying, you know what? This is what I am and who I am and what my body is like. And I just have to accept it. And I just have to be diligent about being gluten-free. And I stopped worried about what other people think. And it made me so much happier. Other people started seeing, oh, she's really serious. This is a serious need for her. And everything got better. And if you ever need extra help with being gluten-free, you are welcome to join my newsletter at theglutenfreengineer.com or join our Facebook group. It is also linked on our website at theglutenfreeengineer.com because you deserve to feel included and confident in your journey. So here's the mindset shift that changed everything for me. And I already alluded to this a little bit too, is I stopped viewing my gluten-free food as second best. And I started viewing it as self-care. When I bring my own food to a party, it's not because I'm different. It's because I care enough about myself to stay healthy and feel good. And that shift made every event even easier and helped me enjoy the moment instead of feeling left out. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Gluten Free Engineer. If you found value in this story, please share it with someone who might need encouragement on their own gluten-free journey. For more tips, recipes, resources, and even links to my YouTube channel, head on over to theglutenfreengineer.com. It's your one-stop hub to make gluten-free living simple, fun, and full of flavor. And don't forget to subscribe so you never miss out on an episode. And we will see you next week. The Gluten Free Engineer Podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I share my personal experiences and stories about living with celiac disease and navigating a gluten free lifestyle. This podcast does not provide medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for medical questions, concerns, or advice specific to your health.